You'll Never Walk Alone: My Pain, my regret and My Unfulfilled Dreams

As I am writting this blog, I can already feel the sadness and regret.....

It has been almost 3 years since I played football. Playing football has been a part of my life since the age of 10. I was 12 years old when I took up football seriously. If you can remember my old posts, football has won me many friends. During my secondary school days, I was a part of the school soccer team. Not many chinese players are able to get into the team. I was one of the fortunate ones.

After secondary school, I went Shatec. I went for a trial with the Shatec team but was not selected. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise because when I went over to the then Le Meriden Changi Hotel for my attachment. I went for their football training and I impressed the coach with my skill and goals during the training. I can recall how my team mates lavished praises on me and even my team goalkeeper was fearful when facing me. Hence I was selected for the team to participate in the Inter- Hotel soccer tourament in 1994. I was thinking this tourament could be a centre stage for me to impress football scouting in order for me to be selected for bigger clubs.

However, I destroyed the dreams by my very self. Three weeks before the touramant, I went to participate in a 7-A side tourament held nearby our ex -house. I even faked MC on that day just to play in that 7-A side competition. I was injured. My ankle was dislocated. I went on to play despite the pain with my ankle heavily bandaged. Yes, I scored a penalty to win the final but I was unable to play in the Inter-Hotel competition. I informed my coach about the injury and he looked quite upset as his star striker could not played.

The day came when the tournament began. The match took place at Farrer Park pitch. I travelled with the team and was named a subsitute. I knew I have not recovered fully but I insisted to be included in the team. It was against Allson Hotel (If I can still remember). I could not remember the details of the game but I did came on to play during midway through the second half. I can recall the pain on my ankle when I passed the ball. I knew it was bad. Then came a magic from me. I laid a defence spitting pass to one of my teammate and he ran to score.

I was very happy that I contributed to the goals. I think we drew 1-1 or won 1-0. Sadly for me, that was the last match I played for the hotel as I could not play due to further to the pain. It was a blow for me as I could not show my true potential. I regretted deep down inside my heart.

The last competitve match I played was when I was with the Liverpool Fan Club team. We travelled to Malaysia for competition with our Malaysia counterparts. That was in 2001. The following year, we had the same compeition held in Singapore.

My gal arrived in 2003 and I stopped playing until that fateful day on Mar 2005 where I tore my left knee liagment that require two surgeries. One to remove the tore liagment that blocked the movement of my left leg and the second surgery to reconstruct my knee. The two surgeries was done in 2005 and 2006 respectively.

Now whenever I passed by the field near my block and see people playing soccer, I can't help but feel painful. I wonder if I did not tore my liagment, I would be able to play up to today. It was on this very field which many people know how good I am. The Malays and Indians respected me on the field.

I'm regaining at least 50% of the strength on my left knee but the pain is still there. My cousin has invited me to play leisure football with his church friends on weekend. I am very keen but just afraid to try. What if I got hurt again?

Do you know what my unfulfilled dream is? It is to represent or club or Singapore in soccer. This is a regret that will stay forever in my life.

I have two nicknames given by my teammates. They are :